I Wanted This For You

i woke up confused with anger on my lips
regret in my stomach
hate burning from somewhere i couldnt reach
when things got complicated
confrontational
something screamed disaster and i begged for home

when i do reach home i try to destroy it
rip and shred until something new appears
shiny hard and cold
something precious something beautiful something unbreakable
my fragile heart sits on nails
and i dont mind
i dig holes deeper to bury what my arms are too tired to carry
i dont have much energy left but i will let the winds
carry me until i dare to walk again

ill bruise my knuckles fighting my demons
i dont ever want to be a sob story a “im sorry i was so mad
when you left last night its like
every other time i watched someone leave”
ill swallow swords
i dont want to ever be the one that got hurt a “i wont talk about it
because every other person tried to keep me a secret”

i wont break my own heart as it sits on the sharp metal
that keeps it alive and threatens to make it bleed
chaos
i wont be another mistake

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