Self-Reliance

the bathroom floor tiles are colder than my insides
and this would surprise some people for
the rumor is that perhaps my heart has already stopped beating
and long ago a monster replaced the girl
but her lipstick and her eyeliner remained the same
so hardly anyone noticed

im fine with crowded bodies and sloppy conversations in
apartments that are too cheap
for how much we pay for them
im fine with throwing a few dollars away for happiness
or the carefully constructed version of happiness
a recipe that i have long ago claimed and am
hesitant
as always to share

ive always been okay with cheap headphones as long as its not silent
ive always been okay with silence as long as you arent here
this bed wasnt built for two
this heart wasnt built to be home
and i hope you dont blame me
as i go

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