i stand in front of the mirror just
close enough that i can see the small scar on my face
that you can only see from certain angles
so i can see the pores on my nose
or the slight crookedness of my teeth
despite year of braces
my messy eyebrows because i can never be bothered to
spend too much time grooming myself
unless i panic about how everyone is moving forward
as i am quickly backpedaling
i dont always know how to brake
but i certainly know u-turns and distractions

i sigh
enough that my breath fogs up the glass and i enjoy
the way my vision is obscured
i whisper
i am always just someones secret
and i watch the way my eyebrows sort of cringe
those messy eyebrows
i notice how my frown starts to grow across
my crooked teeth and i try not to let
the boys who have ruined my stupid heart
ruin my stupid face
and that the confidence to find beauty in something
as ugly as dirt trapped in my skin
is a process and not a destination
and i want to create disasters and fix them
without flinching
i want to
look at my past and realize where
it started to go wrong
and i want to
learn that the ugliness is perfect
as long as its mine


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