Confusion about the Ocean

i cannot reconcile the water and the sand
the glass the glass is cutting my feet
and my lips i have fallen
i cannot stand
someone is throwing sand on top of me
familiar hands
small hands that i know the back and front of
my hands my hands
they are bleeding from the glass and sand

take a step back
ebb flow ebb flow
i need to know more but
i also really need to know less
ripping memories from my brain
bandaids from my skin
watching myself bleed hearing myself cry out
stop
start and stop again because you are the ebb and i am the flow
i am the flow and you are the ebb

crashing into rocks
i never wanted to write about the ocean
here i am bleeding
standing by the sea
powerful and weak sand and glass
and trying to forget all the desperate
parts of myself

familiar hands wrap around mine
not mine someone elses they tell me to stop
or they would if they could speak
i dont move
paralyzed in the middle of the ebb and flow
calm when everyone expected a storm
storming thunderous applause
i am no longer a child

can i be a bleeding powerful
crumbling broken proud
and angry adult
full of life and happiness
full of love
full of glass shards and broken bottles
can i be the water and the sand and the rocks
the shore and the sky
can i be a complete picture
did i ever really need him

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