I’m Not Over It

it’s a dull ache
a slow burn
lungs filling up with water
i no longer miss you in the endpoint of a knife
or a sentence
there are no cliffhangers this time
its a commercial break
not a season finale
i hate all the shows we used to watch
i hope that fades
because we traced our way through books
and albums and i have not recovered
its a dull ache
a broken mirror

something
symbolic that i decidedly attach no meaning too
me writing you out of my stories
your name
becomes an ambiguous friend because
you always said the best things
and im boring without your life
inside of mine
im colorless without
your hand inside mine
im me without you near
and thats what scares me the most its a dull ache

i miss you when i do my laundry
and laugh at jokes that arent all that funny
or when i trip up the stairs
sometimes things hurt so much
i need to tell you
i never do and sometimes
i want
to try again
lots of times i want to try again
its a dull ache but man
its a bad one

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