I’m not sure/anymore

i dont want you to find beauty in ugly things
i want you to breathe the syllables of my beauty

im sorry im so selfish

i wash my face with ice cold water now
because it hurts a little
and because it makes me miss you
i cant make instant coffee

i sat by myself for two hours
i stared at strangers hands and wondered what it would feel like
to hold them

you always said you loved the things that were broken
crooked picture frames and cracked mirrors
its why my skin would crawl when you would say
i love you
its why
i never believed you when you said it all mattered

things are never
more than they seem
even though people with square glasses and mean eyes
tend to say otherwise because they think
the opinions from their nasal voices are

i feel warped and broken now
dying for super glue and nail guns
melting wax and
amber colored paint
i am sunsets covered by clouds
but i dont want to be fixed by you


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