Irrationality #5 (Finale)

crushing like
i cant finish my sentences and i want to scream
that i love you although im sure i dont
because the desire to be weightless and
no more a slave to gravity is like
trying to drink in the stars on the cloudiest nights
its wanting to sleep three extra hours

all the nights i do not sleep i will give to you
if you look at me in a way that says YOU ARE DIFFERENT
you dont need to scream it but i need to hear it
and i dont hear anything
unless it has been repeated twenty times in my head
and then etched into my heart
i bleed for you
because i bleed for everyone i bleed because i need to remember
these are not things i want to fade

broken like i realize the cracked sidewalk
i am walking on but i pretend it is perfect
that the flaws of the world
the simplest of flaws are absorbed and so you can absorb me
one giant flaw
one complication that no one can handle

i wont give you faith
i will not trust you
but i will give you all the meals i havent eaten
as i sit here pretending like im not dissolving
and mostly wishing that i would dissolve faster

we kiss like were broken hungry miserable
we look at each other like we are one string about to be cut
you dont make any sense to me
and i hate you for it
i hate it so much that my insides are fighting a battle
a battle to tell my mind how weak it is
to believe that my heart
is right because my heart is ALWAYS wrong
we kiss like we are hungry and it should be
beautiful but it isnt
we are emaciated starving futuristic suffering

i have never smashed my fist through a window
or hit my head into a wall over and over and over
but i have a feeling that this all feels similar
i ache everywhere
im in pain because i cannot fathom my own reality
i ache for you and i ache for myself


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