Irrationality #3

in case
i never tell you in person in real life
with shaking hands and tearing eyes
i owe you
one thousand explanations of why i never clung to you
until it was too late

i was losing lots of things when
you found me
i was losing
all my sanity
my energy my hope and faith
(it wasnt dark but it sure felt like it was)
(it didnt last forever but it was a lifetime ago)

and we lost time

precious time i could never get back
because it unraveled
into one drunken fight that i wish i could take back
and months of silence that i needed
silence i need indefinitely

i need you
to know that you were the one thing i believed in

sometimes when i think about you i cant breathe

one time we sat on the floor and i cried so hard i could barely speak
you held my hand
it was pretty cool although i still remember
how ashamed i was at the hot tears running down my stupid face

one time i sat in my car and waited for you
two hours and then told everyone else we had a great time
before we said goodbye

one time i realized i wasnt enough although you never said it
how could i have possibly ever been enough

you the boy who contemplated infinities
and music and football all in the same paragraph
if i think about you for too long
i think you were never real


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