Irrationality #2

there were lots of things i didnt know about you
like how you enjoyed donning a superhero cape
and pretending like you could save
my day and my life
by your presence i would be fixed

i guess no one told you that i am not a some sort of
material object
and mostly what was broken needed to be that way

i was fragments and anger but
you said i had a “shitty taste in music and movies”
is there a poetic way to say that?
i remember thinking this was what it was like
to come home to a boy stuck
in the 1950’s

sometimes i cringe when i think about you
im sorry that comes off so cold
you never were a “bad person”
perhaps not the person i needed

i never hated you although i hated the way your mother
gave me dirty looks for months
as if the way i “broke your heart” was unforgivable
although it was necessary
and the way your sister pointed jaded looks at my sister
as if either of them
were ever wrapped up in any of this

you loved PDA kisses and i hated the thought of you
almost instantly

i never knew i was your first kiss
im sorry because i know i shattered some ideals of women
maybe you didnt know that you shouldnt have said
“youre not going to school for a real major”
maybe no one ever taught you to validate
person despite their differences

it feels weird
to pretend to talk to you now when youre the
only one who never made an appearance back into my life
except the day after we “broke up”
and you asked if i was okay
i never had the heart to tell you
i was breathing easier than i had been in awhile

i guess this poem is wrong because
apologies are really hard and im not really
sorry for anything
although i should be


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