Broken Glasses

among whispered words and
hazy nights
you learned my insecurities and you broke me
bruising me in ways that still
hurt
in ways that i know i will not recover
i try to breathe easier
but you hold my lungs underwater
maybe you always knew i couldnt swim
although im sure i never told you

the street lights turn off in the morning before
the sun rises and the world
inhales in the darkness
cars drive too fast they honk their horns and stomp on their breaks
we dont understand that the world is weak because
we pretend to be too strong
although we let ourselves cry in the shower
in the secret
in the darkness that the morning promises but never holds on to

i loved you violently
in screaming words that made no sense
and scribbled poems on loose sheets of paper that ended in the garbage
i never gave you the power i held within me
i never showed you the terror that my heart held
when i gave it up

i hated you quietly
with your digs and indecisions and drunken text messages
that always left a bitter taste in my mouth
i hated you in the way you looked at her and the way you looked at me
and how these looks were different
the way they couldnt align were the ways
they cut me

i loved you like holding a broken glass
because i couldnt let it go
even as pieces of you embedded underneath my skin and
made me bleed
i loved you despite the pain
and you looked away because i was an ugly
bleeding mess

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