I Have To Bury Everything Away

i dig until my hands are sore and then i continue to dig into the
unforgiving earth
i scream my apologies in whispers and fractured sentences
i dont mean to disturb the peace
im just trying to figure out a way to breathe

and i bury the thoughts ive always had
the ugly ones that rip through my head and steal my senses
they are just strips of paper and i dont want them to be real

the words on the paper only matter in my head
and in reality the words are nothing but scratches of ink
the sign and the signified are broken
and i cannot rebuild my reality around them

i am too tired of being weak to my own anxieties
am i too tired of being the person i am
i am
but i am also a person who
despite the desire to sleep and forget
who never gives up

i cant breathe any better but i replace the dirt
i so furiously displaced and the ground eats what is eating me
i hope that this is the last time i sit alone and wonder
why im still alive
i hope this is the last time i sit alone and wonder
how i made it this far without turning back
because i really do
i really do want to be here.

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