Indecisive

waves of indecision overtake the shore
there is no hope for clear skies
he is iridescent he is the answer
he is the answer he will not give it because he
is not selfish he is sure
that it is an answer i do not need

how did his sureness become so reliable since when
did i learn to trust someone so easily
since when does his opinion even matter and when did the opinion
that never mattered transform itself into some sort of biblical law
that no one understands fully but plenty of people believe in

i swim out into the stormy ocean and i let
those stormy waves overcome me because i am weak and it is
bigger and stronger than i am
and i do not care
i want to be overtaken
i want to be overtaken by the strength of my own indecision
and the pain of that indecision will render me
helpless and drowning

in desperation i will look to you for an answer that he will not give
an answer that i am entirely sure i cannot reach on my own
the answer to swim away if i could find the strength
that i cannot find the answer
to walk away even though i am tied
to a light
an iridescent light that wont even help me

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