It’s Over (for him, at least)

the words lace themselves into my throat
they have fought from the center of myself to be here
i have denied
misconstrued and lied my way out of saying them
but it is time
it is time to admit
the fact that
this this this
this is over

i say it out loud and i try not to crumble
i wish humans could dissolve into themselves
and give myself a break
from the constructs of society
and the constructs of individuality

it is over because
the boy who elicits the strongest kinds of feelings in my core
does not want
me
and perhaps
he never has even as i believed him

and it shouldnt matter
because the world continues on but it matters very much
and i cannot form any more words
until i learn to accept the impenetrable truth

that he will never change his mind
and so i fall into myself and pretend to stand

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