Breathe Louder

sometimes
it becomes so hard to outrun the unbearable sadness
the rainstorm
the darkness that somehow finds me and runs me into the ground
i run on glass and sand
i am no longer a fiery soul because
my eyes are burned out and i am
ready to crawl into the ground to get some sleep
to get some space
i dont need to breathe if all i am breathing in is smoke

this room is empty
and the dreams have been too vivid
images from a life that doesnt exist
fairytales of a life that has never been

i want to be his constant when nothing makes sense but
he doesnt even look at me
i want to be her friend if others fail her but
she has deemed me unworthy
i want to be perfect
even when perfection is misguided
and i struggle with the impossibility of it all

i am tired of running but i am also tired of dreaming
i am stuck in a hamster wheel
destined to fall off
and run out of energy and run out of motivation to get back up
and yet here i still am

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