Short Poems On Saturday Mornings

i will always live for the gasps of airlessness
the electricity that cannot be breached
nor described
the way your face looks
so close to mine
and how jumbled words the get my head in

i am young and afraid
of bitter endings that taste bad and beginnings that are
sickeningly sweet
but i want your eyes
to connect with mine

and when they do i swear i will never choose another

but when they dont i swear i will always be alone

Indecisive

waves of indecision overtake the shore
there is no hope for clear skies
he is iridescent he is the answer
he is the answer he will not give it because he
is not selfish he is sure
that it is an answer i do not need

how did his sureness become so reliable since when
did i learn to trust someone so easily
since when does his opinion even matter and when did the opinion
that never mattered transform itself into some sort of biblical law
that no one understands fully but plenty of people believe in

i swim out into the stormy ocean and i let
those stormy waves overcome me because i am weak and it is
bigger and stronger than i am
and i do not care
i want to be overtaken
i want to be overtaken by the strength of my own indecision
and the pain of that indecision will render me
helpless and drowning

in desperation i will look to you for an answer that he will not give
an answer that i am entirely sure i cannot reach on my own
the answer to swim away if i could find the strength
that i cannot find the answer
to walk away even though i am tied
to a light
an iridescent light that wont even help me

Puzzles

i put together the puzzle pieces
slowly at first
corner pieces and edges until everything starts to
fill in
and it makes me miss you
as the details of the picture are called into focus
until the picture is
perfect
just like i thought we once were

and the puzzle is finished
accomplishments complete and as the puzzle finishes itself
i am sad
because there is nowhere for it to go
except to break itself up
and pack itself away
neatly

i break apart the pieces i so tediously put together
and gather them into the worn box
i hide it away in the closet that doesnt have enough space
and no one really looks into anyway
everything there is prized and covered in dust

it makes me miss you

Whispering

it looms in iridescent glances
and stomach turning beads of thought
you said you wouldnt worry
but you are
it whispers from you around the corner
youre never going to make it here
you will stumble along the way
the path is blank and only you can color it in

it hisses at you to stand still
and move forward
faster
until you scream that you are tired
that you cant think about it anymore
that you are the completion of your thoughts
and its is the end of your thoughts
it is your weakness

it is your future
and it loves you although you wont let it

Intricate Detail

slowly he waited until she surfaced
smiling
happy and alone because she understood that the universe
revolved around no one whether or not she held some boys hand

and he kissed her

and she melted

he shattered her perfect
he opened the windows in the car as they drove on the highway
messing up her hair and painting a real life smile on her face
he was every metaphor for bombastic love
yet somehow genuine
he was a wrapping of melting words and glittering cliches

she should have seen the end of the road coming before
she careened off into nothingness
he tried to warn her but instead of noticing the caution signs
and blinking lights
she closed her eyes

he blamed himself but he wouldnt tell her
she blamed herself but he didnt ask her
nothing made sense because they were supposed to be together
instead of separate

she wrote about him until her eyes were dry and her blood ran cold
she wrote about him until her hands were cramping
and her body was heaving and her words ran themselves into ugly circles

and she would never know the words he had to say
because he never said them and she would never ask
she forgave him but he wouldnt know
she loved him but he wouldnt know
she wanted him
in the present tense despite the fractured lines of their past
but he wouldnt know

Pyramids

she touches you and i feel something in me explode
innocent touches as she laughs
because you have always been funnier than you admit
the kind of person that casually destroys lives

the visceral hating person inside of me reacts
i want to punch her
i want to scream
like a toddler in a grocery store
denied of my favorite food

i let my world blur around me
but it doesnt help
even as the world gets funnier and my tongue gets heavier
my words flow easier and everything is supposed to be
light
funny
nothing helps because i miss you as we sit next to each other

i miss you because my words are stiff and polite
i miss you because my eyes cant connect with yours
i miss you because your whispered words are no longer mine to hold
and i miss you because i wanted those words so badly

and i hate her
because she has the privilege of listening to you laugh
and its so casual for her and it matters to me very much

cant you tell i care too much
cant you tell
cant you

If’s

if you choose to love me
i must warn you that the path will be unpaved and curved
there are no straight lines in the meandering of life
clinging to another

you will have to love me even as i cry because i cannot cross the road
or am afraid of the dark
or have an irrational fear of dragonflies because sometimes
i believe that my life was paused at the age of five
and i have yet to recover

you will have to love me even as i cry
the ugliest of cries
and snot runs down my face
and only my right eye tears because the left one has been slow
since birth
and you will have to watch as i shut myself out of life
including you

i hope that you will love me even though i cant fall asleep at night
and my hands shake
and i have a chronic face of hatred
even though im still learning to appreciate the beauty in the world

i hope that you will love me even though
i find phone calls awkward and text messaging worse
and my poetry sounds more like bad rambling
and i cant sing but i refuse to not sing

you will have to love me as the world colors itself in
and loses color
and as i sniffle because im sad or sick
or trying to deny my sadness or sickness
because you
you see through me as if i wasnt an opaque object of your affection
you see through me
but you pretend you dont
and i already love you