Imaginary Endings

i inhale but nothing smells right
the pieces of you that you left behind are fading
it started with your impression on my pillow
the covers pushed to the end of the bed because you could never keep still
it started with the things that were yours disappearing into garbage cans
and secret boxes
it started because i washed the mug you always used
and threw away the toothbrush that was here
it started because i couldnt bare the the thought of the bareness
of this room without you
it seems a lot bigger without your height
it seems a lot emptier without your laugh

i wrote a lot of letters but i dont know your address
you see
you lived in my being and then you lived here
to protect me you left me nothing
or so thats what you said
but i feel battle wounds not bandaids
the most beautiful night sky couldnt cure me

i burn myself by accident as i go to take a bath
they say hot baths cure everything
but Sylvia Plath must not have known you
when she wrote this
she must not have known the way
your eyes would close when you would laugh too hard
the way i could cry just thinking of your happiness

you left me nothing because you know that im addicted to the pieces
you left behind
the pieces that are fading because
the air no longer smells like you
and i cant picture all your freckles
and i have lost count of the different shades of brown your eyes could be
you left me nothing and here i am
wishing for something that cannot be returned
and praying to no one that i heal
although healing would mean letting go
and clearly
i have been better at other things


3 thoughts on “Imaginary Endings

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