200

i wish i could hold my breath for 200 minutes
to stop altogether
to learn how to live without air
because the air i breathe smells like you
even though you are not here
you never have been

i wish there were 200 miles separating me from the thought of you
miles that could not be traversed by land or by sea
maybe by air but you know im afraid to fly
i wish my mind would run away from home and only take the thoughts of you
the memories and sentences and gentle brushes all tucked into a little handkerchief tied to a stick
because my brain is old fashioned and doesnt know how to drive away

and i wish there were 200 different ways to say how much i miss you
and how much i hate you for it
instead of just the few ways ive learned to say it
i wish there were 200 different people to talk to
instead of this 200th poem about the twisted thoughts in my head

and maybe there are 200 worlds
alternate universes where i am happy and i am free
and i am alone but warm
and maybe there are thousands
but i just want to live in one

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