Buried Phrases

i gathered up all the things i ever wanted to say to you
and stuffed them in a bag
buried in the back of my closet
behind untouched relics of years far past
like love letters from elementary school and
crafts with pictures of misshapen hearts
you see ive never been good at love
always shaky and uncertain
even since the earliest of days

i took the words and let them die
in dust and in darkness of the unused
and practically wasted away space
i let you fade as far as i could let you
in the back of my mind although in the center of
my misshapen heart

i found these words
what a big surprise all things buried get dug up
we find explicitly what we choose not to find
i called you the air in my lungs
who knew i thought you were so useful
i called you the infinite of endings and beginnings
who knew i used to think your intentions were so clear

strips of paper bearing infinity signs and smiley faces
the happiest of words sparkle brightly although they carry no weight
secure
content
i wasnt afraid
who knew fear could find its way out of my darkened life

i expected phrases of vagueness
of unanswered questions
of poetic injustices that create sad phrases and salty tears
that people nod and smile for
although it tears at them slightly

instead i saw phrases of clarity
of heartfelt sincerity that i cannot bring back
nor recreate in the confines of my misshapen heart
who knew i would always miss you so

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