Finality

i kiss your words goodbye because
i know
that kissing you goodbye
would be like kissing glass
that has broken
and i would have to swallow the shards
of the relationship that never was
for far too long
and i am not strong enough
for that

i hold myself tighter now
because i cannot hold your hand
i pretend that i am not cold without your heat
because who needs warmth when
your soul is suffocating
and everything is ashes anyway
i will someday burn another fire
but until then i watch myself smolder

and i wonder
does any of it matter?
will i even learn
to ever love again?
when i never even had the chance to
fall
in
love
with you?

i let my dreams fall away
because i do not want to see your eyes
behind mine
and i cannot bear the thought of you
i hate how my mind betrays me
the inability to deny that the essential
means for caring still exist
because you still are there
painted in my head
all smiles and golden lines
just the way you are
in real life
where ever you may be.

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4 thoughts on “Finality

  1. “that kissing you goodbye
    would be like kissing glass”

    I am reminded of Alice Hoffman’s very lyrically written novels.
    This created a vivid but flowing picture, heavy and sad–but also full of self-knowledge. That’s usually what saves us, in the end.

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