Courage for Speaking, Never Coming Easy

The words I need to tell you
melt on my tongue in the summer heat.
Lost in translation from my brain to my vocal
box the word “URGENT”
now really only means,
if you feel like talking, speak.
So I never tell you that
you made me laugh in ways I can’t
remember, but so much so that
tears formed and my stomach hurt.
And you made me cry in ways
I can remember why so much so that I
had convinced myself it was okay
as my friends comforted
me at a distance, like I was a
disease no one wanted to catch.
The urgency of telling you
that you were special and
the space you have left in me is overwhelming is
no longer
urgent.
Our future is uncertain
but the words I will never
have the courage to say
are burned on the back of my eyelids
and taste like poison on
my tongue.

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