Remember Me, Just Never Tell Me

I want you to remember me,
even when it hurts you,
even when it burns your skin,
even when it makes you want to disappear.

I want you to remember me,
even when it makes you smile,
even when it makes your eyes shine a little brighter,
even when it takes all your energy not to talk to me.

I want you to remember the
good, the
bad and the
in betweens that came to define us.

I want you to remember me when I was
15 and so stupid and
when I was 18
and still so stupid.

I want you to remember how I believed in you
and you couldn’t be that.
But I don’t care.
You were enough.

I want you to remember but I never
want you to tell me. I have done
my own remembering.
It makes me smile
and it makes me hurt
and it makes me feel
content
to have you as part of my life.
Even when I want to erase you,
I don’t mean it.

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Voices and Paths

Indecision twists its way into
every pathway of my life.
To give up or continue or turn around a
nd choose another way to go. 
To walk or run or crawl or
altogether.
To cry or to smile
to fake strength or learn 
to be strong.
To carry others or let myself 
be carried.
To let him lead me 
or to walk away from him altogether.
Be less afraid. 
Make more decisions.
Tell myself to stop, 
stop talking to myself. 

We Are Weakened Versions Of What We Used To Be.

I was the happiest
and things changed
and then I became averagely happy. 
I was happy 
and things changed
and I was fine. 
I was fine until I wasn’t and the words
were false, and saying I was fine 
became an unfortunate lie.
I am not a liar
I am just not brave enough for the truth.

I was strong 
and then things changed and 
I became weaker. 
I was weak
and then things changed
and I turned into a puddle of emotions
on a bedroom floor. 
I was a puddle, nothing left in me to expel strength, but
I pulled myself together every day.
Not because I am courageous but
because I am afraid of missing out.

I once had faith,
in you, in us, in a happy moment for my life.
And that was beautiful
and now it’s faded.
Maybe because I am no longer happy, no
longer strong
because you are such a different you
than you were before.
Maybe that’s it.  

Let’s Teach The World

Maybe this world 
doesn’t know how to treat us right
because we haven’t taught it how to. 
We yell, kick and scream. 
We lie and steal
we cheat and kick others down
as we struggle to reach
the undefinable “top.” 
So the world doesn’t know
how to be gentle or kind
until we open ourselves to gentleness and
kindness.

This is Real Life

I don’t know what I’m afraid of. 
Except when I think of time spent
you and I
I think of my unmade up face
of how sleepiness plagues my eyes
and stress plagues my being
and how my lips look funny when they talk. 
When I think of time spent 
you and I 
I think of times when I stumbled over the words
I wanted to say and didn’t
or the jokes you made that I didn’t laugh at
because I didn’t want to seem too eager, too desperate. 
When I think of time spent
you and I
I think of all the ways I let myself down
and all my awkwardness
ugliness,
corniness, 
manifesting itself into the person in your eyes. 
I cringe,
realizing, 
it’s not you I’m having trouble accepting into my life, 
it’s me.